26 April 2006

Green Fingers

Last night, I decided to mow the front lawn, cos it was looking a bit scraggy. After I'd mowed it, I realised that it was full of moss, so I got the grass rake out. It turns out that there's actually more moss than grass :o(

Anyway, I went into B&Q before work this morning. It opens at 7am, you know. I only went in for moss killer, and came out with twenty quidsworth of bedding plants.

Hmmm, wonder what mum's doing tonight?

24 April 2006

It's cold in 'ere...

Smurf has been at home all day. I got home and said "It's cold in here, can you shut the back door, please?"

So what does he do? Bleeds the radiators. Still left the back door open though. No wonder my gas bill is through the friggin' roof!

23 April 2006


It's quarter to midnight and I've just got home from the Celtic Warriors Birthday Bash. OK, so I did stop off at Spike's and had about 4 hours kip this afternoon, but I needed it. Believe me, I really needed it.

I'm too knackered to do a writeup just now, so you'll have to wait.

Night all.

Warning failure to comply could seriously damage your health

It has come to the notice of the management at Shirl's Place that this accommodation is being misused as the supposed occupier is often away recently leaving it empty. As said occupier is not answering her phone we the undersigned feel compelled to draw her attention via this blog to her dereliction of duty.

We trust that we will see an improvement in behaviour in the future.





21 April 2006

Breakfast in bed :o)

Wow! I've just been brought breakfast in bed - a bacon butty and a brew. Me like ;o) I think I'm gonna keep this bloke. Now, where did I put the handcuffs?

Yet another Lost Weekend

OK, it's taken me a week to get round to writing this, cos I've been so busy.

Last Friday I headed off to Stourbridge's Rock Café to see Lost Weekend and Bob Catley. If the truth be known, I really went to see Lost Weekend more than Bob Catley, cos I'm seeing Bob Catley tomorrow night anyway, at the Celtic Warriors Birthday Bash.

We got to the hotel mid-afternoon, had a beer, met up with a few mates and went off for a ruby, before going back for another beer and then off to the gig.

We were joined by our very own Lou & Andy, in the form of Krammer and Yoda. Yoda decided he didn't want to bother using the subway under the ring road and hurtled off at great speed, the wrong way down the road, with Spike in hot pursuit, convinced that he was going to get splattered. Having successfully negotiated the crossing of the ring road, Yoda then proceeded to hurtle down the steep hill to the Rock Café, waving his arms in the air and screaming "No brakes! No brakes!", much to the concern of the assembled fans outside the venue.

Despite a few teething problems with the sound, Lost Weekend soon got the place rocking. Dave T still pulls some amazing faces and new guitarist Squiz definitely adds to the great feel of the band. I didn't get to say hello to him, but I was pretty impressed. I had a chat with the others after the gig and I think they were happy to be on tour again, despite the hassle of the travelling and setups. Paul has a really strong voice, and I was interested to read on another forum that Jack has been compared to Nicko McBrain - praise indeed! Robin, usually the quiet man of the band, seemed pretty chuffed with the response to the set and the positive comments from fans new and old. After all, they were bloody good!

I have to say that I was rather disappointed with Bob Catley's set. It got off to a pretty poor start, and I lost interest within the first two numbers. However, about half way through, it picked up and I was singing along to the end. The accoustic version of 'Days of No Trust' was excellent, but I was surprised that Bob did three Magnum numbers, given that it's supposed to be his solo tour. I would have liked to have heard a couple from When Empires Burn, cos I really like that album.

Krammer and Yoda had to leave before the end of Bob's set, and Spike went to wave them off. Dave T nearly spat his beer out when he asked Spike if he was leaving and he said "No, I'm just chucking out the cripple."

Having read comments about this tour on various fora, it seems that the general opinion is that Lost Weekend blew Bob Catley away and folks want to hear a lot more from them. It's about time that they got some more exposure, perhaps on the rally scene. They're a damn fine band with some solid tunes and I reckon that they'd go down a storm at biker parties.

Photos here.

20 April 2006

Another day older...

Happy Birthday Jochan!

I suppose there's no point in me telling you NOT to have a beer or six?

Have a good 'un honey!

19 April 2006


When did stop stop meaning stop? What the hell is Womble on about now?, I hear you ask.

At every set of traffic lights, there is a stop line. It's a big thick white line, done in reflective paint too, so you can see it better in the dark. In case you don't know, here's what the Highway Code says:

151: You MUST stop behind the white 'Stop' line across your side of the road unless the light is green. If the amber light appears you may go on only if you have already crossed the stop line or are so close to it that to stop might cause an accident.
Laws RTA 1988 sect 36 & TSRGD regs 10 & 36

152: You MUST NOT move forward over the white line when the red light is showing. Only go forward when the traffic lights are green if there is room for you to clear the junction safely or you are taking up a position to turn right. If the traffic lights are not working, proceed with caution. Allow cyclists and buses time and space to move off when the green signal shows.
Laws RTA 1988 sect 36 & TSRGD regs 10 & 36

This means that you have to stop at the white line, not stop three feet over it, or continue crawling until the lights change. It means STOP! FFS! What is so bloody difficult about that? I can understand it if you had to stop in a hurry, but if the light is already on red when you approach it, there's no excuses other than stupidity and incompentence.

As for taxi drivers, yes, the law applies to you too! Just because there's nothing coming the other way, it doesn't mean you can ignore the red light. I want to install a device which pops up sharp spikes about 2 seconds after the light goes red. Then, if you cross the line, you get an instant fine - the price of new tyres. That'll stop the bastards.

Charity needed

Shamelessly stolen from Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (sorry Mike!) - please do everything you can to help save the rock bands.

16 April 2006

Will it be a hot one?

According to Spike's housemate Kyle, the last time it snowed in April was in 1976, the year of the amazingly hot summer. I really must get down to the pound shop and get some more shades :o)

11 April 2006

Womble's latest vice

Green and Black's organic hot chocolate granules, eaten straight from the jar. MMmmmmmm!

10 April 2006

Dominion over the fish of the sea...

It appears that the Queen owns all the sturgeon, whales, porpoises and dolphins in the seas around the UK. Does this mean, then, that our dearly beloved Madge should have been the one to help guide the whale that got lost up the Thames? I can just see her in a wetsuit and snorkel...

Healthy eating

OK, I've decided I'm too fat and I eat too much junk food. So day, being a good Womble, I've had a big tuna salad (£1.85 from the Superior Sandwich Company, Bath Street, Bolton - blatant plug in the hope of free food ;o)) and some fresh pineapple (sorry Spike).

So why am I still so bloody hungry? I reckon that healthy food just doesn't fill you up enough.

Big Muck?

Years and years ago, Jasper Carrott once did a short film about how burgers are made. It showed bin men collecting the rubbish, then showed the bin waggon dumping the rubbish into a big compactor, where it was squashed and macerated into a pulp which went down tubes which fed onto hotplates, turning the muck into burgers. I've never forgotten it.

Today, I have been asked by my boss to accompany him to the re-opening of a branch of a well-known fast food outlet. I wonder if those big brown paper bags are strong enough to use as barf bags?

09 April 2006

Sun, rain, sun, snow, sun

Well, that just about sums up today's ride.

Set off in glorious sunshine. Five miles down the road, it was raining. Met up with Dr. Pain en-route and when we got to the pub we discovered that it was just the two of us. Apparently the car drivers were having an Observers' meeting and had written to all of the Associates (including the bike ones) to tell them not to come.

Anyway, we decided to bog off up to Clitheroe in search of a big mug of hot chocolate. By the time we got there, it was starting to snow gently, and it was bloody cold. We hung around until it stopped snowing and then headed back down the A59 towards Preston, where we went our separate ways; he went home and I went off to see my Aged Ps.

At the Aged Ps house, of course the inevitable happened. "Cup of tea dear? Oh and can you have a look at my computer?" Hmmmmmph. So I spent 3 hours removing the obsolete AV/Firewall, putting new ones on, scanning the machine, installing MSN and answering silly questions. Whilst I was there, the snow came down quite heavily. It was weird, like big soft hailstones, about the size of Maltesers, but they melted really quickly.

Still, mum gave me some scones which were bloody nice, as usual. I have to say (without a hint of bias) that my mum bakes the best scones in the world. And no, Blue, I didn't bring any home, before you ask ;o)

By the time I left, the snow had gone, the sun was out and the roads were lovely and dry. The ride home was pretty good, cos I was playing with the cars again. There's a road, called Glazebrook Lane, which has a long stretch of 30mph, and it's a real pain in the arse. There's no reason why it can't be NSL, but nope, it's 30. Most people speed up to about 50 anyway, but I'm a belligerent bastard, and when I've got a car up my chuff, I'll stick to bang on 30, until I get to the GLF sign and then I, well, GLF. It really upsets them, you know. One minute they're 6 feet from my rear end, jockeying to get round me, and the next, they're washing the dust from the windscreen and I'm just a dot in the distance. Tee hee hee.

Got home and realised I'd turned the heating off - not good. So now I'm sat here in front of the fire with a mug of tea, defrosting my feet. Ahhhh, happy days.

Wakey wakey!

Last night, I was feeling a bit low and grumpy and I said that if it was raining in the morning, I really didn't want to go out on the bike and I was gonna stay in bed. Spike said that it might be lovely and sunny and I'd feel better.

Well? You were right hon. Opened the curtains to a blue sky and glorious sunshine :o)

So, I've had a brew and a bowl of cornflakes and I'm almost ready to face the world. I suppose it might be an idea to get dressed first though. Don't wanna upset the neighbours.

I think I might head off to the Lockgate Cafe at Beeston, on the A49 cos I've not been there for a while and they do make a lovely bacon butty.

08 April 2006

Belly Ads

Shamelessly stolen from Recess Monkey, cos it's as funny as feck :o)

07 April 2006

Jesus Christ, the musical

This made I larf, it did :o)


Gene Pitney

Undertakers have said it will take 3 weeks to make Gene Pitneys coffin from oak, but only 24 hours from balsa.

Being pedantic

Whinge of the day.

Will people please stop saying things like:

"at 10 a.m. in the morning".


Quick lesson:

'a.m.' stands for 'ante meridiem' - the Latin for 'before noon'.
'p.m.' stands for 'post meridiem' - the Latin for 'after noon'.

So, by saying '10 a.m. in the morning', you are actually saying '10 before noon in the morning'.

This is a phenomenon known as 'tautology' - unnecessarily saying the same thing twice.

03 April 2006

Scotland's smoking ban

Congratulations to the Scots. May you be smoke free forever :o)

"Hurry up, you lot. There are other people dying for a fag too y'know."

02 April 2006

who's a proper biker? :p

I was up at 7:30 this morning, and out of the house by 8:20. I did a short ride today, only about 80 miles round trip, and it pissed it down the whole time. Southport had horizontal rain on the coast road, and Rainford bypass was an interesting combination of puddles, small lakes and nasty gusting side winds.

The bike was a complete bitch too, it was only running on 3 pots for a while and when number 4 kicked in at about 7k rpm, the bike surged forward like a machine possessed. I reckon I must have got water in a plug cap from yesterday's washing spree. Hurrah for WD-40!

I was rather glad to get home, cos I was getting that yakky wet feeling around the crotch that tells me that my waterproofs no longer are :o( That's more expense. Oh yeah, and I need new brake pads too.

Saying that, the brakes did me proud on the East Lancs. I didn't think I could go from 70 to 0 in the space of the two sets of lights under the M6 flyover, but somehow I managed it. I was a bit wary, given the newness of the tyres, but I should have known better. Battlaxes are damn good tyres - and they bloody well should be, given the price!

OK, so I was pisswetthrough, but I still enjoyed myself.

01 April 2006

Motorbike TLC

Finally got my new tyres fitted today, a nice shiny pair of Battlax BT020s. And they are shiny too, they need scrubbing in. Shiny tyres and wet roads are not a good combination.

I did have a short ride but it started raining so I came home, cos I only had my summer jacket on and it soaks up rain summat rotten. There was a match on at the Reebok and I saw about 7 plod bikes. Got a nod out of 2 of 'em too :o)

Anyway, I've even washed the bike and greased the chain this afternoon, so I'm all set for tomorrow's ride now.