16 December 2010

Pronunciation Rant

Right you lot, I'm fed up with you misusing and mispronouncing words and some of them really really annoy me. Let's start with this one: 'masseuse'. The word comes from the French 'masser' - to massage.

Firstly, please stop referring to a 'male masseuse'. A 'masseuse' has to be, by definition, a woman. The male version of the word is 'masseur'. Got that?

Now, can you pronounce the word 'masseur'? It's a bit like 'mass' and 'err', put together. Try it. I bet you knew that already.

OK, so let's try the other one, 'masseuse'. No, it's not 'mass - oose', that's an American term for 'I can't speak French so I'll make something up'), it's pronounced 'mass -errs', or in the IPA: ma-sœz.If you insist on using French words in your speech, at least make the effort to learn the correct pronunciation so you don't sound like a tit.

24 November 2010

Psychic news reporting

The Manchester Evening News has reported on an event which hasn't actually started yet. Perhaps it should report on its secret time-travelling device instead?

Crap TV

I keep seeing polls on various websites asking whom I think should win 'I'm a Celebrity' or Crap Factor.

There's always one option missing: 'I couldn't give a rat's arse because I wouldn't defile my television with that pile of crapola.'

Crap Factor is just karaoke, and "I'm a Celebrity' should be renamed 'I'm a Nobody Whose Career is Flagging so I'll Do Anything to Get on TV'.

22 November 2010

WEEE!

Why do retailers of 'white goods' always announce "and we'll even take away your old one for free!" as though it's some sort of special deal?

They're legally required to do this under the Waste Electrical and Electronic Equipment Directive.

16 November 2010

Cleaning up other people's mess

On Saturday morning, I joined the Friends of Eatock Lodge in a litter-pick. The main things we retrieved were drinks cans, bread wrappers and bags full of dog crap.

So, if you're one of those who drinks in the park, why can't you chuck your cans in one of the five litterbins? There's one at each entrance to the lodge, so you can do it on your way home.

If you care enough to go to feed the ducks, why do you then leave the plastic wrapper behind? Ducks don't like eating plastic. Same as above - stick it in the bin!

As for those who leave bags of dog crap behind, you are just scum. Stick it in the bloody bin! Think about it, you brainless idiots! By bagging it and then chucking the bag in the bushes, you have turned something that would have washed away in a few days, into something which will take months to even begin biodegrading. It'd be better if you just chucked the crap into the bushes without bagging it, if you're too bone idle to put it in the bins which you have to walk past on your way out of the park anyway.

13 November 2010

Oh just let me ride my bike!

OK, spur of the moment, I decided to go out on the bike, so I went to move the van, but it wouldn't start. After some messing I managed to shift it.

Then the boss rang, wanting train tickets booked. So I sorted that out and eventually got out on the bike and went for petrol, but the queues were horrendous, and the idiot in front of me decided to do her makeup before setting off. The pay at pump facility wasn't working and queue inside the kiosk was awful, and it eventually took me 15 mins to pay up and go.

Then I joined the queue for the air supply. The other people took ages and when it was eventually my turn, I discovered why - the compressor wasn't working properly and was on a go slow.

So, an hour after I set off, I have done a grand total of 7 miles and stopped for a drink. Buggerit.
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06 November 2010

Saturday live

One thing that drives me nuts every Saturday morning, is the opening to the Radio 4 programme 'Saturday Live'.

Apart from the pointless music intro, it's an audio montage of 2-second clips from items in the programme which is probably aimed at enthusing you about the contents. Well sorry, but all it makes me want to do is throw the radio through the window. It's the audio equivalent of puréeing a salad to make it look more tasty.

Oh how I miss John Peel and his 'Home Truths'.
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16 September 2010

Where does the time go?

Oh my blog, how I have neglected you. So many things to do and so little time in which to do them.

I've promised to do a car boot sale on Sunday, and have approximately 1 hour free over the next couple of days in which to sort out the stuff to take. I did try to set aside a couple of boxes a while ago, but never quite got around to filling them, so my house is still full of junk.

31 August 2010

A warning to those who have iPhones

At the weekend, my friend's iPhone was stolen from her tent whilst she slept. It would appear that hers was not the only one to go missing that night, we know of at least three others, and the thieves only took iPhones.

The Police told her that there is an application (app) which uses bluetooth to pinpoint the location of other iPhones, and that thieves are using it in order to steal them. In her case, the thieves have now bagged themselves a very expensive brick, because she had the phone blocked as soon as she discovered it was missing.

So, if you have an iPhone, turn off the bluetooth whenever you're not using it.

09 August 2010

I hate the milkman

Why did he swap his nice quiet electric milk float for the noisy horrible diesel thing that wakes up the whole street at 5.30am? Grrr.
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30 May 2010

Parents - grrrr!

Why is it that some parents think it's OK to allow their children to wander around in restaurants?

I'm sitting in a lovely Chinese restaurant and there's a family sitting at a nearby table, engrossed in conversation whilst their kids are walking around the other tables, annoying people.

When I was a child, I wasn't allowed to leave the table without permission and, even then, it was only to go to the loo.

These parents seem oblivious to the fact that their kids are elsewhere. It's not the kids who are ill-mannered, it's their parents.

I did supress a giggle when one of the kids was waving his arms around and smacked his elbow hard on a table, ran back to his parents who completely ignored him. Still, they've been ignoring him all evening, so why bother now? Poor kid.
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08 February 2010

Time to go back to basics?

My first car was a Vauxhall Chevette and I loved it. If anything went wrong, I could fix it myself. Under the bonnet, all the various bits were easily recognisable, you could get at everything without having to dismantle the entire vehicle and parts were readily available at a reasonable price.

Over the years, automotive technology has advanced to the point where when I lift the bonnet, I can see where the oil and coolant goes, but most of the other stuff is well-hidden and shoe-horned in to spaces that even a mouse would have difficulty accessing.

When I take my car to the garage for a service, they attach it to a computer, which tells them which bits need tweeking or replacing. The car has lots of clever electronic gazoobies which manage the engine and breaking, and the throttle cable is a thing of the past. We now have all of these lovely things which make our cars 'better', even if they cost a small fortune to replace when they go wrong.

I always said that the more bits you add, the more there is to go wrong, and go wrong they do, and it's always expensive.

Today, Toyota has announced that it may be recalling 300,000 vehicles because of a problem with the anti-lock braking system, which appears not to work on icy or bumpy roads (that's the UK knackered then!). They've already recalled thousands because of a problem with sticking throttles.

Perhaps we need to go back to basics, get rid of the fancy devices and just give us something that works.

The first step should be to ensure that all of the bulbs can be replaced by the driver, at the roadside, with no tools and in under 2 minutes. I laughed at my friend when he eventually called the AA to change a headlamp, until I saw that you actually need to be a 4-stone contortionist to get at it. It took the AA man half an hour to do it. The next time a bulb went, my friend took the car to the garage where they put it on a ramp to change it. What a crap design!
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Time to go back to basics?

My first car was a Vauxhall Chevette and I loved it. If anything went wrong, I could fix it myself. Under the bonnet, all the various bits were easily recognisable, you could get at everything without having to dismantle the entire vehicle and parts were readily available at a reasonable price.

Over the years, automotive technology has advanced to the point where when I lift the bonnet, I can see where the oil and coolant goes, but most of the other stuff is well-hidden and shoe-horned in to spaces that even a mouse would have difficulty accessing.

When I take my car to the garage for a service, they attach it to a computer, which tells them which bits need tweeking or replacing. The car has lots of clever electronic gazoobies which manage the engine and breaking, and the throttle cable is a thing of the past. We now have all of these lovely things which make our cars 'better', even if they cost a small fortune to replace when they go wrong.

I always said that the more bits you add, the more there is to go wrong, and go wrong they do, and it's always expensive.

Today, Toyota has announced that it may be recalling 300,000 vehicles because of a problem with the anti-lock braking system, which appears not to work on icy or bumpy roads (that's the UK knackered then!). They've already recalled thousands because of a problem with sticking throttles.

Perhaps we need to go back to basics, get rid of the fancy devices and just give us something that works.

The first step should be to ensure that all of the bulbs can be replaced by the driver, at the roadside, with no tools and in under 2 minutes. I laughed at my friend when he eventually called the AA to change a headlamp, until I saw that you actually need to be a 4-stone contortionist to get at it. It took the AA man half an hour to do it. The next time a bulb went, my friend took the car to the garage where they put it on a ramp to change it. What a crap design!
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02 January 2010

I don't believe it!

It seems that Ridley Scott is making a new Robin Hood film. So that will be the 16th remake. Can't these Directors come up with something original? Obviously not, otherwise they'd stop ripping off other people's films.

Think up something new, you lazy buggers!

Sore finger

On Monday and Tuesday, my index finger was itching enough to drive me to distraction. I ended up biting it, to try to stop it. On Wednesday it hurt like hell. Since Thursday, every time I've touched something cold, my finger has gone blue or white. The tip of that finger is cold whilst the rest of my digits are warm, and it's really doing my head in now.

Anyone got any idea what's going on?