Wicca Lite... Looks like Wicca, but with half the commitment and one-third the responsibilities...
Rather than celebrate festivals and moon cycles on their given date, W.L's settle for observing these activities whenever they can schedule time between their Pilates class and their appointment at the tanning salon.
Skyclad is reserved for those who are either young and perky, or those who are old and surgically perky.
Hand-made and lovingly decorated ceremonial robes are substituted with plain white sheets... to facilitate the transition to the toga party afterwards.
The traditional hand-written Book of Shadows has been replaced by... yeah,you guessed it... "The Idiot's Guide to the Book of Shadows"... Available through Amazon.com (buy in bulk, and qualify for free shipping).
Cakes and ale has been substituted with granola and green tea... or donuts and Red Bull... or tostitos and Coors Lite... depending on the circle.
The sword, wand, athame, bolline (or burin), salt and water bowls, besom, bell, cord, thurible, and pentacle are no longer used for ritual... These items are a pain in the butt hauling around, and besides, no one really knows how to pronounce half the words, or what to do with the objects anyhow...
By the same token, the altar has been considered superfluous, since it blocks the TV, which works just fine for holding the cakes and ale. Besides, access is needed to the DVD player, so everyone can watch that fantastic documentary, "The Witches of Eastwick".
Circles are too hard to form in the living room, so the Sacred Square has been adopted. For the convenience of the coveners, the furniture has been sanctified, so everyone can be comfy during the ritual.
Summoning spirits is strongly discouraged! No ones knows how to speak Enochian, or even ancient Hebrew, or even modern Hebrew, or even proper English, and it has been determined that the spirits do not respond well to text messages or email, so who needs 'em? They also have a nasty tendency of hiding in the corners of the Sacred Square, and no amount of Febreze will convince them to leave...
No deities will be called into the circle (or Sacred Square, as the case may be) whose names possess more consonants than vowels, or who possess any aspect other than the one of Peace, Love, and Warm Fuzzy Feelings. At the moment, our high priest and priestess are still searching for at least one suitable deity to fit our parameters... Glenda (not quite a deity, but close enough) is our most promising candidate, although we're a bit suspicious of her almost gleeful reaction to when that house fell on her sister...
Scrying, divination, astral travel, meditation, and other self-enlightening exercises have been deemed too time-consuming (not to mention, darn hard!),and have been substituted with drugs, therapy, and a copy of "The Idiot's Guide To Why Nothing Is Your Fault Or Responsibility".
We will gather together from time to time to discuss candle magic, crystal magic, healing magic, herb lore, and the like. Our discussion will include why these magics are too inconvenient to actually practice, and we will conclude our discussion with personal accounts of why life is hard and there's nothing we can do about it.
Other discussions will include:
- "Why we love the Fey" (because they're so CUTE!)
- "How to approach your Totem Animal in the Wild"
- "Which deities will accept ritual substitutions, and which ones will fry your ass for the insult"
- "Alternatives to cleansing with sage" (Lysol, Febreze, Fairy Dust, Nag Champa, etc)
- "Can your home security system be programmed to act as a Watch Tower during rituals?"
- "The ethics of using a Banishing Ritual on your in-laws; how to protect yourself from the Three-fold Law"(see our website "Wicca Lite for Life" for more discussion updates).
Wicca Lite is open to all comers, except smokers, who have been linked with Global Warming and will be the cause of the death of us all.
Bright blessings of Fairy Twinkles to all...
Lady Whitebutt of the Towelhead Tradition