Negative side-effect of the smoking ban

I did think that the ban on smoking in enclosed public and workplaces was wonderful. However, part of me is starting to change my mind. Why? Because of the drop-in centre opposite my office. When they could smoke indoors, it was dirty, smoggy and smelly. Now, they congregate outside to indulge their addiction. However, they don't just have their fag and then go back inside, oh no, they stand outside all day shouting at each other.

There's one woman in particular who has got to be the most boring person on the planet, and she shouts to everyone rather than just talking to them. "What did you have for tea? Oh, I had pie too. What type of pie? Oh that's nice. Are you having pie again this week? I might, but then I might not."

All of this is at full volume, and I can hear every damn word, even with the window shut. The problem is, it's so hot at the moment, I have to have the window open, so when I'm on the phone to a client, they keep pausing and saying "sorry, I thought someone was talking to you in the office". No, it's just the noisy bitch from across the main road who doesn't have a volume switch.

Right now, I have this almost irrepressible urge to stick my head out of the window and yell "Shut the fuck up you boring imbecile". Unfortunately, I don't think it'd do me any favours. My assistant suggested buying a super-soaker and squirting her every time she got too loud, to see if it would train her, like you train a dog not to piddle in your flowerbed. I'm seriously considering it. And no, Spike, before you suggest it, I am not going to borrow your air rifle, tempting as that is.