Thank you so much...

to the kind, helpful person who turned off the central heating boiler at work over the bank holiday weekend. I'm sure you meant well, trying to save energy, but, in reality, you're a complete dickhead!

Thanks to you, when we came into work on Tuesday, the whole building was bloody freezing and it took three hours before the rooms were at a temperature where we could take off our coats. My fingers were so cold that I couldn't type.

The heating is on a timer system and has a thermostat too, so it only comes on at specific times, and only then if the building is colder than the temperature specified on the thermostat. It's set that way for a reason. It's a very very old building, and when it gets cold, it stays cold, and then no-one can work in it.

If you wanted to turn off the heating, you could have just pressed the button marked 'advance'. That's the one which has a sign on it saying 'press this button to turn off the heating'. But no, you had to turn off the whole bloody boiler, so there was no hot water, no heating, no nothing, until I went to investigate why the place was so bloody cold.

Thanks a bloody bunch. Next time, LEAVE IT ALONE!

Bastard.

Drowning in a sea of junk mail

When I first moved into my current home, I was horrified at the amount of junk mail that came through the letterbox. Every Thursday, I would come home from work to find two free newspapers and a massive pile of flyers for local shops and businesses stacked up behind the door. It all went straight from the letterbox to the recycling bin.

In the end, I got fed up of it all and placed a sticker on the letterbox, stating "No free newspapers or advertising flyers, please".

So why is it that I still get morons shoving stuff through? Can they not read? I suspect not.

OK, I no longer get the free newspapers, but I still get adverts for tree surgeons (Hello? Do you see any trees in my garden? No!), pizza takeaways (I'm allergic to tomatoes), carpet cleaning services (I have wooden floors), double glazing (that'll be the same as the double glazing that you just walked past to deliver the leaflet), driveway layers (you just walked up my driveway, didn't you?).

I also get those little catalogues put through, from local people selling perfumes or household knick-knacks. I never, ever buy anything from them. I knew that these people are just trying to make an honest crust, but surely they must notice that I just put them straight back outside? Sometimes they sit outside my house for weeks, until they either get collected or I get fed up and chuck them in the recycling.

Let me tell you this. If I want to purchase a product or service, I will approach a firm myself. Anyone who ignores my polite little sticker will most definitely NOT get my business. If you don't care enough to respect my wishes over a little thing like not wanting your junk mail, then I'm sure I can't trust you to care enough about doing a good job. All leaflets and flyers still go straight from doormat to recycling bin.

Then there's those little leaflets announcing a 'charitable collection of clothing' - which really means 'we're a profit-making organisation which will take away your unwanted clothing and then sell it to people who can't afford to buy new stuff'. Sorry, I only give my unwanted stuff away to registered charities - at least they sell the stuff on at a fair price and put the money to good use, instead of just pocketing it.

FFS, just stop putting this crap through my door - it's a sure-fire way of ensuring I won't buy your product.

Take a few minutes to stop and think

Thanks to Mark for finding this.

Babies are evil

OK, most of us knew this anyway, but this really is going too far! Honestly, microwaving your kids and blaming it on Satan is just not acceptable!

Some people really are too gullible and stupid to be allowed to have children. This pair should be in secure accommodation somewhere well away from everyone else.

and people ask why I love Lancashire...

This is why:

Feeling better :o)

Still a bit bunged up, but not hurting any more :o)

still lurgified

but the dobber has been replaced by a cactus. Deep joy.

The Dreaded Lurgi

OK, which one of you lot gave me the lurgi? My throat looks like a war zone and I feel poo. My glands are all swollen on the right side of my neck and it feels like I have a dobber stuck in my throat and I'm having difficulty swallowing - yoghurt and coffee for breakfast today, not that I really feel like eating.

No snogs for me then :o(

What time does Boots open?

Please help to find a missing child

I know that people all over the world look in on this blog from time to time, so perhaps you could take a few moments to look at these photographs.

4 year-old Madeline McCann was abducted from an hotel room in Praia da Luz, Portugal on 3 May 2007. It is possible that she is no longer in Portugal, so please look at the pictures and if you see someone whom you think is this child, please contact the Crimestoppers on +44 1883 731 336. People with information about Madeleine can call anonymously.

Fiddling around

Had a great time at the NABD, even got to fiddle with STEViE in public - oo-er missus! Great pics too, cheers Yoda :o)

Speed kills ...

or does it?

This article about the rising number of motorcyclists killed on the roads in Wales, states that breaking the speed limit was a factor in 4% of the incidents.

That means that breaking the speed limit was NOT a factor in 96% of the incidents.

So, why is Richard Brunstrom so determined to harass bikers all the time? Perhaps he should concentrate on the other factors that were involved, like myopic drivers and poor road surfaces.

NABD

Off to the rally. Byeeeeee.

Pathetic drunk

An online petition has been set up to ask for a pardon for Paris Hilton's 45-day prison sentence for three violations of a drink driving conviction because she 'enlivens mundane lives'. The petition says she "provides hope for young people all over the US and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives".

How sad and pathetic are they? Do they really think that the poor little rich girl really gives a shit about them? Sure, she might be pleased that a few people seem to like her but, in reality, just a sad pathetic drunk who didn't think that the law applied to her. She couldn't give a toss about the mundane lives of the plebs who look up to her.

They also believes that she's been made a scapegoat to highlight the dangers of drink-driving. Sorry folks, they're just treating her like any other sad pathetic drink-driver who continues to flout the law.

She broke the law, she has to pay the price and go to jail and, hopefully, learn a lesson from it and not do it again.

But perhaps one should have sympathy for someone whose father chose to name her after a hotel (and an ugly hotel at that), and who accidentally made a sex-video of herself and accidentally had it published on the Internet just in time to get all the publicity for her new film. Yeah, right.

World's Shortest Fairytale.......

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!"

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,lunching, drank martinis. Always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased. Did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many boyfriends, saved more money, and had all the hot water to herself.

She watched chick flicks, never wore lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, and farted whenever she wanted.

The End