Black. Just black, please.

Why is it so difficult to find a pair of black trainers?  Just black.  No colours, no stripes, no white sole, no flashing lights, no sparkly bits, just plain old black.  What is wrong with just black?  Why do women's trainers always seem to have to have pastel colours involved?  I hate pink, I don't want baby blue, I just want black.  Size 9.  Narrow.