Bloody ambulance chasers

On my way into work this morning, I followed a car which was advertising one of those 'ambulance chasing' services.  It read something like "Had an accident?  Claim today and get a free iPad!"

I really hate these companies.  By pushing everyone into the compensation culture, they have also pushed up insurance costs for everyone, and caused more and more organisations to introduce stupid 'rules' and restrictions based upon spurious risk assessments carried out by idiots.  They are nothing but greed-mongers.

Sometimes, people have to accept that the reason they tripped is because they're a clumsy oaf who wasn't looking where they were going; the reason they got scalded is because they are too stupid to know that a hot cup of coffee is, erm, hot.  There's not always someone else to blame.

I'm sure that the promise of a free iPad will encourage a few more wastrels to claim, not because they have a case, but simply because they want an iPad.  Those who have genuine reasons to claim will, I hope, go to reputable companies who don't need to offer free gifts to get business.

Affordable housng and the scandal of empty homes

Government Minister Mark Prisk believes that building new homes is the answer to the problem of rising rents and the lack of affordable homes.

I disagree.  

According to the 'Empty Homes' website, in November 2011 there were 720,000 empty homes in England, and 930,000 in the whole of the UK, of which approximately 350,000 are long-term empty.  

Why then, if there are so many empty homes, does the Government keep insisting that we need to build new homes, and is even considering relaxing the Green Belt laws in order to permit house building in our precious countryside?  Surely they should be trying to fill the existing empty homes before building new ones?

I accept that many of these homes are not currently fit for habitation, but there are plenty of builders, joiners, plumbers, electricians, etc. out there whom, I am sure, would welcome the opportunity to work at putting these places to rights.  Those homes which are beyond repair could be demolished and replaced with new homes on the same sites. 

Only when these empty homes have been tackled, and all of the brown field sites used up, should anyone even think of debating the destruction of our Green Belt.  Hopefully, it will never come to that.

It's disgusting...

The number of people who can't spell the word 'disgusting' is absolutely disgusting!

Since I joined Facebook, I have been both amazed and horrified at the number of people who don't seem to be able to spell even simple words correctly.  The latest such word which really raises my hackles is 'discusting'.  There is no such word.  Here is a simple reminder:

Discuss - to debate or consider
Disgust - to offend or sicken

Stop flashing at me!

The latest 'design feature' of some modern cars appears to be headlamps which are activated by a light sensor because, as we all know, drivers are far too stupid to realise that it's going dark and you'll need to switch them on yourself.

Yesterday, such a vehicle followed me for a couple of miles through an area with trees at the side of the road.  Despite the fact it was daylight, each time the car went past one a slightly more dense clump of trees, the headlamps came on for a few seconds and then went off again.  This might not have been so bad if it was a little car, but it wasn't.  It was a Hummer; an unnecessarily huge behemoth of a vehicle which is totally out of place on our little country lanes and, as is common with very large vehicles, the headlamps are positioned higher up, so that the beam reflects in the rear-view mirror and then vapourises one's retinas.  Oh yes, and whilst I'm ranting about it, why on earth do people still find it fashionable to have bullbars on vehicles which are never ever likely to see a bull?  It's not bloody Pamplona, you know!

Setting a President?

Over the past few days, I've heard at least three people on the radio and television referring to 'setting a president'.  I'm pretty sure that they really mean to say 'setting a precedent'.

Geographically challenged

Whilst I'm ranting about people in the media getting it wrong, here's another one:

I heard a BBC Radio 4 presenter refer to the BBC's new base at MediaCityUK as being in "Salford, in Manchester".  Wrong!.  The city of Salford is located next to the city of Manchester.  Salford is not a city within a city.

Honestly, BBC, I thought Radio 4 was supposed to be the best you have to offer.  You might at least learn where your studios are located.

The non-existent car

Whilst listening to the radio yesterday morning, I heard the presenter refer to an episode of Only Fools and Horses, and said that Del and Rodney, dressed as Batman and Robin, got out of a Robin Reliant.

This simple sentence annoyed me for two reasons.  

Firstly, what really irritates me, is when people refer to the vehicle as a 'Robin Reliant'.  No it's not!  It's a 'Reliant Robin'.  'Reliant' is the name of the manufacturer.  You don't hear people talking about a Fiesta Ford, or an Astra Vauxhall, or a Corolla Toyota, so why do so many people refer to Robin Reliants?

Secondly, the vehicle in Only Fools and Horses wasn't even a Robin, it was a Regal.  Get it right, please, folks.

Pablo's Olympic Rant

Today, I present a guest rant from Pablo:

Is it just me, or has the Olympic spirit been hijacked by consumerism and global commercialism? Or is it just the Government which has rolled over and allowed foreign-owned global companies to take ownership of all that should provide guidance and good rôle models for future generations?

The Olympic Games should promote the twin ideals of competition and fitness.  Ok, three ideals, competition, fitness and health.   And  a spirit of international friendship.  OK, four, then.  Interesting to see the major sponsors of the Olympics entering into that spirit, isn’t it?

McDonalds?  A major sponsor of a major sporting event promoting health and competition?  Yeah, right.   A global company which has expanded by shamelessly marketing junk food to one of the most vulnerable groups in society, our children, then relies on the witter factor, and that wonderful bit of human psychology, peer pressure, the need to follow like sheep, to ensure that if you don’t take your kids to McDonalds, they will feel excluded by their friends. So they grow up on a diet of McNuggets (mechanically processed chicken, mixed with a number of chemicals) and each helping providing over 60% of your daily sodium intake (the main cause of high blood pressure) and over 40% of your recommended maximum fat intake.   Vitamins?   You have to be joking!

And that is before you add the fries (mechanically processed potatoes, NOT even proper chips, note) and their own load of coated sugar and salt to make you crave for more.  So much for the healthy.  If you want to read their ingredient lists, click here.

But what of the competition?   McDonalds apparently have enough financial clout to create their own chip monopoly without actually selling chips themselves.  They have banned their smaller competitors from selling chips unless they are as an integral part of fish and chips.  Want chips with your burger?  Sorry, mate, you will have to go to McDonalds. And have fries.

I could say more about McDonalds, but I won’t.   So what of the other major sponsors?  On the news this morning was a piece about that purveyor of sporting goods, Adidas.  They promote health, fitness and competition, don’t they?  Well, not exactly.  So far as I know, there are two mainstream sporting brands who market to the brand conscious.  The other is Nike.  Go in any McDonalds and the place is full of sporting wannabees.  If they aren’t wearing England football shirts, they will almost certainly be wearing Adidas or Nike kit and, given, that the lifetime diet of supersized 'happy meals' has ensured that anything other than the most gentle exercise will probably kill them, you have got to wonder at the power of advertising and the need to follow the crowd.  I would guess that the majority of branded sports kit has never been worn on the track, sportsfield or in the gym.

But this is not my point.  My point is that the major sponsor of the Olympics, Adidas was reported on this morning’s news as having banned all children taking part in the opening ceremony from wearing any branded trainers other than Adidas.  

Competition, fitness and health?  My arse! Will I be watching the Olympic Games? No, you will find me headed in the opposite direction on two wheels. At least there will be less traffic on the roads.

Cold callers

I have a sticker on my front door.  It's right at eye-level, so you have no excuse for missing it.  It says "No Cold Callers.  Please do not knock."  There's a second, less polite sign, in the window to the left of the door, specifying that I don't want to be disturbed by salesmen, canvassers, hawkers, charity representatives or god botherers.

Despite that, on Monday, someone from SafeStyle UK knocked, and then apologised when I pointed out the sticker, and then said "but seeing as you're here now, can I just ask you...".  He was really surprised when every question he asked was met with 'No'.  His parting shot was "If you just let me do a quotation, you don't have to buy anything, but I'll get a commission."  Strangely enough, my answer to that was also "No", as I shut the door in his face.

I know times are hard, but I really really object to doorstep sales.  I will never ever buy anything on the doorstep and it really annoys me when chancers ignore the sign, in the hope that I'll be nice to them.

It is now a criminal offence in the UK to ignore such signs.  I WILL report you.

Take a hint.  Get lost.

Wheat-free and breathing easy

Earlier this year, having suffered breathing problems for all of my life, I finally saw a consultant who told me that I was displaying the classic symptoms of wheat allergy.  I was confused.  People who suffer from wheat allergy just have bad guts, don't they?  My friend Brynjar has coeliac disease and I remember how dreadfully ill he was before he was diagnosed.

Apparently, I was wrong.  Wheat allergy can also cause breathing problems including a tight chest and throat, nasal congestion, itching and swelling in the mouth and throat, itchy rashes on the skin, itchy and watery eyes.  In fact, all the symptoms that my doctors and I had, for many years, put down to my hayfever and perennial rhinitis.

So, I have done my best to stop eating wheat.  It's not actually been that difficult, although there have been odd times where I have fallen off the waggon, only to regret it when I can't breathe about twenty minutes later.  I have also discovered that eating wheat gives me bellyache.  I've always had regular gutache but put it down to poor diet.  However, since stopping eating wheat, I find that my guts are much happier and I feel much less lethargic and headachy too.

I have discovered that most supermarket-bought gluten-free bread is rubbish.  It's very expensive, falls apart easily and is useless for sandwiches - most of it ends up in your lap as the slice collapses.

Last weekend, I went to Beverley Folk Festival, where a lovely lady called Catherine was selling gluten-free galettes.  Inspired by how nice they were (I ate rather a lot of them), I decided to look up the recipe and came across a cracking website called 'Gluten-Free Girl and the Chef'.  Like Brynjar, the author has coeliac disease, and she has written a book about food.  Not just any old book, mind, a book about the foods you CAN eat, rather than the ones you can't, as well as stories and tips on a gluten-free life.  She and her husband have also written a cookery book.  

Anyway, go and read her blog, it's brilliant.

Damning with faint praise

The Manchester Evening News congratulates the 'Winners' of Duke of Edinburgh Awards.

Yes, congratulations to them, but I take issue with the description 'winners'.  You do not 'win' a Duke of Edinburgh Award.  It's not a competition or a prize draw and to describe the recipients as 'winners' is extremely insulting.  The writer of the piece clearly has no idea what the award scheme is about.  You have to work damned hard to achieve the award and I have great respect for anyone who makes the grade.  It shows commitment, dedication, determination and hard graft as well as a desire to serve others and be a good citizen. 

Well done to all of you.

All stuck up

The warning on the packet of superglue states "Take care when piercing the top, as the glue flows freely"

This should be changed to "Pierce top at arms length, as the glue will spurt out and cover your hands in it.  Take care to keep fingers spread before it sticks them together, and to everything else, leaving very little glue left to do the job you actually wanted it for."

Thought for the Day

"Just because you're breathing, doesn't mean you're alive."

Guy Martin

Spitting feathers

Why don't coffee/tea shops open in the evenings?  All the 'chain' coffee shops seem to be closed by 8pm.  Does nowhere stay open until 10pm (other than in London?).

Not everyone wants to sit in a pub :o( 

Happy New Year

OK, I'm a few days late, but what the hell.  I posted on Facefaff a few days ago that I really don't get this whole 'happy new year' thing.  It's just another day, not much different from the day before.   People told me off for being grumpy, but they should know by now that I'm grumpy most of the time.

The choice of programmes on TV over the Christmas break was, frankly, rubbish and, in the main, not worth watching.  However, Christmas dinner with the folks was lovely, and New Year's Eve in the company of good friends was nice too.  I was visited by a couple of friends I've not seen for ages, ate far too much but only got drunk once.  I had a great time with Stone the Crows, watching the Mummers Play and doing the fiddling thing whilst they danced.

So, if it's a new year, what else is new?  Well my house is still a tip, I still haven't cleaned my bike. the weather is crap and my campervan roof leaks.  Ho hum.  Happy New Year everyone.  Here's to more fiddling, more dancing and more drinking :o)

More eggs to suck

Stockport Council has decided that pensioners are stupid.  The Council obviously has no idea how these poor ancient beings have managed to exist for so long and have decided to give them some patronising tips on how to survive even longer.

These tips include:

• To wear bright or fluorescent clothing to make sure that they are seen during the day, especially in dull or misty weather - but remember that fluorescent clothes won’t show up after dark
• To wear reflective clothing which will show up in car headlights at night
• Plan the routes that they take to include safer crossing places

The daft thing is, that the person who came up with those bright ideas was probably taught road safety as a child - by his or her parents - the very people they are now trying to teach to suck eggs.  How do these people think that the previous generation ever survived?

I take issue with this idea that everyone should wear bright clothing too.  Yes, of course it is sensible to make sure you can be seen, and I see many people who ride bicycles at night, with no lights, and wearing dark clothing.  However, to suggest that everyone should wear bright or fluorescent clothing during the day is ridiculous.  We will probably end up with a situation where everyone wears bright clothing and no-one at all stands out, because they are lost in a sea of other bright clothing. It's called masking.  Can't see the wood for the trees, as it were.

I also worry that there may come a day when the money-grabbing insurance companies, from whom it is already difficult to extract payment in the event of an accident, will turn the blame on the victim of a collision, on the grounds that they weren't wearing high visibility clothing.  After all, it wasn't the driver's fault that he didn't see the man he hit, because he wasn't wearing a reflective jacket ...

I have a friend who, like me, rides a motorcycle, and a couple of months ago, we discussed the idea of the requirement to make every biker wear a reflective jacket.  She insisted that if all bikers wore them, like she does, they would be less likely to be knocked off.  Less than a week later, she was hit from behind, whilst stopped at a roundabout, and was hurt.  She is still in pain from her injuries.  Her hi-vis jacket made not one jot of difference.  Some drivers, no matter what others are wearing, will just not see them because they don't look, because they're busy texting on their mobile phones, applying makeup, shaving, reading a map, looking for an address or just not paying attention. 

So, whilst preventive measures by vulnerable road-users or pedestrians should not be dismissed, there should be a greater emphasis on educating people and teach them the observation skills required to be a safe driver or rider.

Britain's First Photo Album

Broadcaster, John Sergeant recently visited Bolton's Market Place whilst filming a new series entitled 'Britain's First Photo Album'.

According to the Bolton News, he said "Bolton Market Place is lovely; structures like this in other parts have been destroyed.  In any normal high street all the shops are exactly the same, what makes Bolton different is the structure, the architecture, and we have to hold on to this space."

What a shame then, that he didn't come to see it before its heart and soul was ripped out a few years ago and turned from this:

to this:

Bolton Market Place used to be a thriving shopping place, busy at any time of the day.  Now it's mostly used as a cut-through for people wanting to stay out of the rain.  They have ruined it.  They took a wonderful, unique market with many fantastic stalls, told the traders to get out, and turned it into a stone and glass monstrosity with a huge empty space in the middle; a clone of any other modern shopping mall in the country.  Half of the shop units are empty and Bolton has lost a beautiful and useful asset.  Congratulations.

Texts sent to householders to encourage recycling

Which idiot came up with this money-wasting idea?

Millions of people across the country are losing their jobs, and the Government wants to spend a fortune on sending pointless text messages to people to thank them for recycling, or to remind them to put their bins out.  If I got one of those messages, I would be very very annoyed.  If they want to save some money, I suggest they sack the waste of space who dreamed up this ridiculous scheme.

Perhaps they also want to text parents to remind them to take their kids to school, or employees to remind them to go to work?

Scratch, scratch, scratch

Why do clothing manufacturers insist on making their labels from the scratchiest possible material?  You sit there, getting irritated by the damn things until you resort to cutting them off and then hope for the best that you have the right settings when you come to put a wash on.  Yes, Regatta, I'm looking at you here!

Next time...

What is it with TV programme makers that they have to go and spoil everything by wasting five minutes at the end of each programme telling us what will happen in the next episode?  I don't want to know!  I'll watch the next episode to find out, so don't ruin the surprise for me now.  Doctor Who and Torchwood are the worst culprits at the moment.  Why give away most of the plot for the series at the end of the first episode? 

Of course it could be worse.  Some of the commercial stations have programmes that spend the first five minutes telling you what you're about to see, then they show it to you, then then spend five minutes reminding you what you've just seen and then spend five more minutes telling you what you will see after the advertisement break.  Then you get what feels like quarter of an hour of adverts, and then the programme resumes by telling you what you saw before the break, what you're about to see in the next section and what you're going to see later on in the programme.  I bet if you stripped out all of the repetitive material, there would only be ten minutes original stuff in the whole hour.  I can't believe companies actually pay for this crap.

When I was a kid, there was a TV programme called 'Why Don't You?' and the programme opened with "Why don't you just switch off your television set and go and do something less boring instead?"  I have been doing just that lately, and you know what?  I actually get things done instead of allowing my brain to turn to grey goo.  Great, isn't it?